Free Thought

so i wrote this 11-6-06. i was preg with my second child who was born 12-5-06. this an entry into my journal. i used to name every entry and this one is called "Free Thought'...

Everyday is a see saw. back and forth. up and down. making me dizzy abd lightheaded. not just the pregnancy, it's you. the memories and realities making my head spin.stuck b/w love & hate. the fact that i love you but hate what you do. it truly is a thin line, my friend. i did YOU a favor but you're too damn selfish. cant appreciate shit thats fine. love God and you'll love yourself. i want to love you forever. please you, just love YOU. do whatever you want me to... but then my mind turns around. My heart turns black & cold. ice running thru my veins. just as quick as thoughts of lovemaing form, they turn to viloence. kicking, screaming, hitting throwing. i can go from "baby i love you" to "nigga, fuck you" in .26 seconds. wanna see?

mind sex

I love this feeling. You feeling me. Slow and steady, you know the right things to say. Slick mouth wit a sharp tongue. Getting me open, making me want more. i call it foreplay. Just a tease of whats to come. Whats to come… is you. And me. And we. Now you’re right there. go slow baby, yea right there. Can you feel it? mine aint like the rest of em. I consider myself the best of em. Mine will leave you shakin and you’ll never wanna leave it. it will comfort you. Challenge you. Bring the best out of you. All b/c you can be you. You. Got damn you. Runnin past 2nd base. Now im not askin you to slow ya pace. I like this race. So keep going. I wont make you wait. Wont ever say stop. Come around to 3rd base now. Yea, just like that. The anticipation of you making it home got me… honestly a lil shook up. Not many have been here before, but once you there, best believe it yours. Damn I like that. I can feel u slidin in. perfect fit, no protection, just smooth sailin. Now just Go a lil bit deeper. Its crazy how good you make me feel. Now even deeper. Damn! This just cant be real! Come all the way in. all the way to the core of me. You like that baby? I can tell you want more of me. we try not to rush it, but its so damn hard to go slow. I cant say no. push your way in. work it baby. Damn I can do this for hours on end. Im lovin how you feel when youre inside. In tune. cant nobody mind sex me like you. You the best at what you do.

shhh...

you're like a work of art. colorful, confusing, prone to misinterpretation. many different people see you and see many different things. I see KING. A man made to love a Queen. you're passionate and sexy. powerful & poetic. i drink in your words, mesmorized by your smoothness, held captivate by your honesty. as i sit here watching you dream, i find myself wishing i was inside your mind. with your eyelids as a backdrop, id show you love then turn dreams into reality. you make my soul smile sunshine. i feel i can finally E X H A L E ...

while you were sleeping...

i get these random bouts of insomnia. i call em 5 AM nights. thats b/c i'm rarely sleep before 5 AM on these peculiar nights. wouldn't be so bad i guess if i didn't have to be up at 7 AM. ahh the joys of motherhood. kids don't care if you're tired. or hungover. or still a lil drunk. sigh. moving on....


so there's this guy, irvin rosenfeld, and cuh is 1 of 4 people who receive their medical marijuana from the Federal Drug Administration's Investigational New Drug Program. He's been getting 300 joints every 25 days for the past 27 years, and said he smokes between 10 and 12 per day. he's about to enter the Guinness book of world records for smoking his 115,000 joint. go irv! i support the cause!
http://tinyurl.com/yj9tv4f

Breathe out...

This... is not just physical. there's something under that, bubbling and sizzling. igniting untamed passion. the kind of passion that has you in a daze, all you see is your angel and the only thing that matters is making your angel feel like they've found heaven. make them siiiigh with happiness & exhaustion. my angel, 1 mention of your name, my heart swells and the butterflies are released. bolts of electricity hit the nerve endings in my spine when your long eloquent fingers gently brush my shoulder. the electricity explodes into my stomach when those fingers touch my face. those fascinating eyes dancing with excitement & the allure of what's coming next. love songs escape my throat, my voice heavy with lust but backed by something much deeper then the simple carnality of relations. no rap this time baby. its time to get serious.