Free Thought

so i wrote this 11-6-06. i was preg with my second child who was born 12-5-06. this an entry into my journal. i used to name every entry and this one is called "Free Thought'...

Everyday is a see saw. back and forth. up and down. making me dizzy abd lightheaded. not just the pregnancy, it's you. the memories and realities making my head spin.stuck b/w love & hate. the fact that i love you but hate what you do. it truly is a thin line, my friend. i did YOU a favor but you're too damn selfish. cant appreciate shit thats fine. love God and you'll love yourself. i want to love you forever. please you, just love YOU. do whatever you want me to... but then my mind turns around. My heart turns black & cold. ice running thru my veins. just as quick as thoughts of lovemaing form, they turn to viloence. kicking, screaming, hitting throwing. i can go from "baby i love you" to "nigga, fuck you" in .26 seconds. wanna see?